A RITE OF PASSAGE: Female to Male

"MY NAME IS GLADIATOR"

"What we do in life echoes in eternity."


"My rite of passage has come. I have walked through the 'secret door' and search for the faces of the gods." ~LJS

This blog will be specifically for daily/weekly recordings of my final journey into manhood while taking Testosterone, "T".

The physiological and psychological changes.

**Also, last May 20, 2011 I had FTM Top Surgery in Cleveland, Ohio, at the Metro Health Center. Dr. Daniel Medalie, a very skilled plastic surgeon, he did a great job.

My physiological status has changed. The "T" is inside of me and marks my transition from one stage of life to another for, the rest of my life. FTM

Today's "X" on the calendar marks 31 days on this magic elixir and its fascinating! It does have me wild and discipline. IT IS, the elixir of fire...confident & aggressive am I already!

4 May 2012 at 2:45 p.m., I gave birth to myself as my doctor injected me intramuscularlly, (right buttock) with my first shot of Testosterone Cypionate, 100mls, every 2 weeks.

I am on half the dose as my physician & cardiologist want to take care as I have the heart condition, called, Atrial Fibrillation or AFIB, (cardiac arrhythmia).


So far so good.

Several hours after the first injection I felt a surge of energy. Not only did I feel vigorous, all my aches and pains we gone. As if someone waved an invisible wand and "poof!" My muscles and bones felt a great sigh of relief as they have been replenished with new blood.

So with this new energy I quickly mowed the front and back yards. Weed-whipped, trimmed bushes, trees, washed my car, and vacuumed.

Normally when I do any kind of chore, I ache all over before & after. Not this time.

Mind over matter? OR, the "T" in me.



15 May 2012 Shot#2 Very grateful I was. I was starting to feel tired--the aches and pains creeping back. My skin is also being replenished; my hair gets oily and so does my face. I began to take notice of this a week after my second shot.

And after a while I started to feel good again, energized, revitalized.


As strange as it may sound, these physiological changes happened so quickly but my body has been without ANY KIND of hormones for 11 years. And yet it is true that it takes 10 days for the testosterone to go through the body.

My body had been so deprived of its red blood cells of masculus for years and now absorbing the "T" to rebuild, reconstruct a bigger, stronger, body, mind, & spirit.

My mind, body, and spirit are no longer strangers in a strange land.


I've also noticed something that is very interesting. Lately, in the mornings I have been very aroused and find between my legs libido desires, "heighten." ;}


And now, when I look at women it's different; as though I am looking through different eyes.

The physiological features on the outside hasn't as yet changed; too soon, with the exception of my arms, chest as I work out with dumb bells every other day. Although, deep inside of my structure, several interesting changes have occurred.


The first & second shot was the sudden surge of energy and the fact that nothing of my physical body hurt, ached anymore.


29 May 2012 Shot #3--My arms are starting to take form from working out. I DO FEEL STRONGER!

On the physiology side I can feel my heart beat stronger and I used to take 120 mgs of Betapace.


Now, I'm on 40mgs as my heart's structure is changing and is pumping, generating new fresh blood to every cell in this transman physique.

As for the psychological side: I'm feeling confident--really confident. I can sense my mind changing in the way it thinks...Like a man.


Before I was conscious of my 'feminine features' as everyone else was.


Nor am I interested in tedious arguments, or dragging them out like I used to. And...the way I perceive women is "very different...."

Before when I would spy a cutie I would give a look like the 'cat who swallowed the canary.'


Now...its a more serious look.


Aggressive, and restless, am I. Like a panther in a tree looking down below, deep at its prey. As if I could hear her heart beat...see her heartbeat with every movement of her walk.


MEN have such "POWER". No wonder they are so confident.


Testosterone inspires confidence and aggression.



"Now the years are rolling by me, they are rock'in even me.
I am older than I once was, and younger than I'll be."

From the song, "The Boxer" Simon & Garfunkle













***Shot#4 Due June 28 2012 FINALLY--Because for the last two weeks I was getting "Really Cranky", in a very intolerant mood. I felt "Anna" creeping back...

Also: It's been one month on testosterone.

I'm beginning to realize I need the T in me for my emotions to feel more relaxed. Not just to "walk the line" as a male but also to function all aspects of my being.

So it took a couple of days for the elixir to work my body and now I feel much better, peaceful, and more "tolerant" of others again.

Although I do get quite "restless" as my libido is constant. So when I am "in need" and it is not available to me, I punch the bag, pump iron to help release desires,or set them aside for the time.

It's not that I dont have anyone for that. Its just that she is not that interested; as she is somewhat older and that time of her life has subsided, although not completely.

And now my body acting like a teen just desiring a woman; any live breathing available female. And I...responding like some uncontrollable horney stag. As if I was 'sex-starved' or something. Wow..................................crazy.

I'm also getting stronger physically, I feel it. Lifting bags of groceries, large packs of bottled water, anything seems effortless now. Veins & muscles exposing themselves on my arms, hands AND now other males are seeing me as male.

I've also noticed that my urine has "bubbles" now??? Interesting. So I looked it up. No question is a dumb question right?

What I found was...the reason is because men "pee" at a faster pace and the contact of urine with water churns up the toxins. AND---Men usually pee from a higher distance from the toilet which I will be experiencing soon.

Today while on our walk a guy approached Wishbone & I and said, "Hey man that's a nice dog you got there..can I pet him?" I let him and afterward he said, "Thanks man he's real nice..." ;}


Last week shopping for groceries two young females spied me from a distance and from their giggles and smiles were obviously flirting with me. Only until I got very close did they then perceive me as a female.

They were very surprised as I passed them; they then whispered to themselves: "OMG--didnt you think that was a guy??!" I did.. you did too!"


LOL --I felt great after that because slowly but surely people are seeing me more for male. Of course my facial features will take some time to change, but only up close some do see the feminine structure of my face.

Tomorrow I go do blood work to see how my levels are doing in response to the testosterone.

Testosterone makes men restless, confident, and aggressive. But it could also "induce a boldness that borders on insanity."

Oh well...I'm roll'in deep now. Peace.

On the 19th of this month: shot #5.